i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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