just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
