i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
