Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Less talking, more tequila
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
