Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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