I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
