This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
