guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
