this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
