haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.