i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list