She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt