I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed