hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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