i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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