I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
