There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
