there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
