i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
