I showed him my bush... on skype.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
