I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
