I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
