You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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