Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
