youre lurking in front of me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So squirting runs in the family.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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