Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
