Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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