I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
