Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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