I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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