A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.