I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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