i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
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Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes