How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd