I seem to have left my pride at pride
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i think i just lost a toe