I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...