i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door