uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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