you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
