I'm going to jail i love you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
