Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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