She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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