we have pet lesbian snakes
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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