Where is the hickey?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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