Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.