dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.