do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't put those talents on a resume
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
about cumming, not toast
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?