physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I believe in your delicious