I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet