I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
