my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Rumble strips road head = magical
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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