The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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