At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
