new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
