you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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