this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
