I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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