i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
