I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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