I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
