Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
