you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
