Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
