I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
