You smell like a Billy Joel song
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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