sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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