Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
