I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
