apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize