Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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